Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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