dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Alive.
So much puke
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
