i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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