i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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