I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
