PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
