By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
