can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
either way he was missing a nipple.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
