I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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