my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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