she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
