Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
