I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
