My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
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It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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