I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
