Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
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all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
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Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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