why didn't you poke me back
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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