I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
