he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
