It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
