You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
