I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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