im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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