chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
