Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
