Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
