Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
