8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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