I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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