Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
