I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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