Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
