He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
