Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
tell me about the fingering
Randomize