my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
