I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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