In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
