You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
