Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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