please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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