its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
