honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
