Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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