I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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