I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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