i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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