Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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