we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
