you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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