I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
