I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
