I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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