I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
