Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
