plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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