You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
