"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize