I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
