I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
