shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
