the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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