Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize