My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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