the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
