I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
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