There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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