i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
