the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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