you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
