...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
