so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
