So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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